*whoosh* I'm feeling deflated.

Yeah. Sometimes I randomly go "whoosh" when I go walkabout. It's the sound of me deflating.

Not farting. Deflating in a sense that right now I feel down and yucky and I need something to pick me up.

For those who wondered what happened since my last post, things have turned for the better. Whilst my time in Tamworth was truly harrowing and had driven me to the point of contemplating suicide (seriously bad times.. I've never cried so much on the phone with my sis and suddenly death seemed a much better alternative than being a disappointing parasite who can only bring shame to her family), I did manage to complete my placement by scraping through.

Sydney was much better. Micchus came down and stayed with me. And I was also brightened up by the kindness of my friends who let me live at their place eventhough they were away for a month. It takes alot of guts to hand someone your house keys and then leave them in charge for a month. Although this has happened before earlier this year with Max and Mei. Now I was super touched by their act of kindness, offering a stranger their housekeys as well.

And so after I completed my Sydney stint, I officially completed my course and now am a proper dietitian! Yay! Graduation will be next month. So why the whoosh-iness?

Because here I am, in my sister's apartment, growing mushrooms on my ass as I sit on a couch/chair daily watching TV/ searching and applying for jobs/ cross-stitching like a maniac/ picking my nose/ etc etc. I feel absolutely useless and unproductive!!! And as everyday goes by I feel like I am still a parasite clinging onto my parent's pockets without an excuse for not being a proper adult! For God's sake I'm nearly 23 years old, I fail in the aspect of relationships and stickyhot-ness, I fail in terms of study and academics and now that I at least cleared that hurdle, I fail at getting a proper job and income. Nearly quarter a century gone and what have I got to show? N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Quarter-life crisis sucks.