"The meat and intimacy of f*cking"

I'm in a bit of an emotional slump. It's probably a combination of stress and loneliness. I told him on his last night here that I had no romantic feelings for him. It's true, I only care for him like how I would care for any of my friends here; the only difference is I'm not sleeping with my other friends.

Also because from the start I knew this was only going to be casual no-strings attached and I'm VERY good keeping my heart guarded. So good in fact that I'll probably die alone.

(Also because, quite honestly, at the end he turned out to be quite an asshole. Like hell I'd be in a relationship with someone like him. He set off so many warning bells in my head)

Which brings me back to my slump. We all know where the stress is coming from, only time and tests will get rid of it so it will address itself. The loneliness is terrible though. On the same day he left, I had to also say goodbye to my student whom I had been supervising for 5 weeks. Another loss *sigh*.

What I miss most is having someone to talk to, social interaction after work with someone I don't work with, and the physical contact that comes with sex. I didn't particularly enjoy the act itself, but what I loved and craved the most was the feel and weight of someone else's body on mine, the warmth and smell of their skin, their vocalizations, and most of all just being held close.