I'm fucked. In a bad way. Sigh.

I'm not doing as well as I should be on placements.

I don't know why. Ok, so maybe I AM a little distracted (damn me and my obsessive-compulsive love!). But I don't think it would affect me this much. Also my self-confidence have taken two very hard blows when I see how advanced Tee and Kay are. I know I should be at that level but my lazyness/stupidity is stopping me. Either that, or I actually do know my stuff but I have some problems verbally communicating them. My grasp of English has deteriorated so badly that sometimes I find it hard to even think of the simplest words when explaining things to my supervisor.

And my brain has the speed of a fucking sloth. Good god, to my supervisors I must be like Osaka from Azumanga Daioh. Always in a daze, slow and dreamy. WTF this is not how I want to potray myself. WHY AM I LIKE THAT?!!?!?!?!?!!??!!

Oh and I was sick as shit last week too. Which made me lose out 1 week to prove myself to my supervisors. I had a chest infection. And apparently a UTI (but I doubt it was coz I didn't feel any painful symptoms apart from the fact i was pissing BLOOD), but it was most likely one or both of my kidneys deciding to got batshit on me. So two infections, massive migraines and high fevers, coupled with throwing up. With only Panadol to soothe my pains. I wasn't a happy chappy for a few days.

So now I have 3 weeks to get my game on. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. The good thing is I have given up playing Quarantine and FB games. The bad thing is I have taken cyberstalking-obsessing over a certain hot dude. THIS MUST STOP NAO!!

3 weeks. 3 FUCKING WEEKS. I should probably pray a little more and hope for some divine intervention. I feel my life is a fucking mess (just like my room!) and I need to get things together. Big Boss of the Universe, a little help please? I need a boost from the pits here :(