Update!

That's all. Just an update to remind myself not to let this blog die. Very much like my social life is. Or what remnants of it that's left.

That being said, what has happened since my last post? Let's see.. I have applied for more retail jobs and I finally got off my procrastinating ass and applied for a proper dietitian job.

I also got rejected for the one I mentioned in my last post wuuuuuu T^T you'd think by now I'd be immune to it, but nobody likes being rejected I tell you, NOBODY! (unless you're perverted in that kind of way then come let me unleash my fury on you *cracks whip*)

It makes me feel worthless *sigh*

And it doesnt help that I've turned into some sort of pubescent boy and started sprouting lumpy zits full of pus all over my face. Its like all those thousands of ringgit spent on Accutane treatment was for nothing. And my periods are out of whack. Good god, i'm turning into a manhormonal imbalance much????

Then again it could be because I put away two whole boxes of Digestive biccies in like, 4 days. So much for making Banoffee pie. Ooh and to stop myself from pigging out on Tim Tams (I put one whole tray away in a day last week, no wonder my face is like this) and taking the Micchus's precious ones, I told her she could have a dollar for every TimTam of hers I eat. Which works pretty well because I am kiamsiap that way.

Except that yesterday I was naughty and had a go at hers HAHAHA she doesn't know yet coz I snuck one from the end of the pack. I should leave a note with "$1" on the empty slot no? I want something sweet to eat now dammit! *storms off angrily*

会いたい今。

I've been sighing a lot more lately. Thanks a lot. I am frustrated that I don't know how to go about you, and also frustrated because I'm not even sure you are worth frustrating over about!! ARGH dilemma.

Then again I also could be sighing a lot more as I am now out of a job, and have resumed my hermit-like ways of being cooped up at home, looking forward to the weekends and the next possible outing with you.

I'm supposed to be applying for jobs now, but I've been procrastinating. Will do so tonight. In addition to proper dietetics jobs, I've been trying to get part time jobs in fashion retail.

Ooh its time for the Bold & the Beautiful! *goes off to watch*

Playing with a tiny little flame...

... but I don't know how or when to start :(

I feel so tempted to say something when you're online, but I can't. I don't want to scare you off, my circle of friends here in Melbourne is tiny, and if you're alienated from me then my circle will be diminished to just me. And Micchy.

Nor do I want to be teased. And (for now) I still dislike your cousin. But you seem like such a sweet boy. I just want to get to know you better, because I can't really say I like you till I actually know you a little more, no?

I just don't know how to start. The end.

A sad, and true story.

Last chance!

A couple of days ago while working at the bookshop, two guys came in. I recognised them from a few days ago, they came in to look for Law textbooks.

So I went up to them and cheerily asked "Hello again! Can I help you?" And one of them goes "Ah so you remember us! Yeah we're just here after some books. And yeah the last time we were here my mate here *jabs finger at the guy with him* asked you out for a date but you turned him down! And he's not the type to take no for an answer!"

At this point my face is still frozen in a smile but my brain was like *wtf no I don't remember this was this Jess he's talking about?* Commence nervous laughter.

"Heh heh, well I'm afraid I shall have to dissapoint him again by saying no... again?"

And then I sort them out with their books and returned to the till to wait and see if they were gonna buy more books. They didn't and left the store. As they were leaving the store the dude pops back in and says "Last chance! Are you available this weekend for a lunch date?"

And I went "Heh heh heh? What?!!?" And shake my head. And then my boss comes out from the office with big smirk on his face and asks "Was he hitting on you". I say clearly no, coz the guy in reference didn't actually say anything it was his friend that did all the teasing. He then asks if I thought the guy was cute, but I was unpacking books at the time and answered "huh? do I think this *book* is cute (wtf)???" And when I realised he meant the guy I said maybe, some people may find that kind of look attractive but not me. Boss states his surprise, he however felt the guy looked a little Wog-ish. And I said "Really? I didn't check to see if he was wearing socks"

Boss gives me a "wtf" face. I said because back in college, my housemate teased me when I wore socks with my sandals. She said it was a very Wog-gy thing to do. So I always thought a Wog was a person that wore socks with their sandals/slippers/loafers. Boss roars with laughter. He tells me a wog is a person of Greek/Italian descent.

But I already knew that lol. And boss himself is a wog. Too bad I didn't check to see if he was wearing socks with his slippers haha.

Boss and my manager didn't let me live the next few days unteased about that incident. They kept shouting "Last chance! Last Chance!" at the most random moments such as when ordering my lunch, or when I am going to the toilet, or even when the shop is too quiet wtf.

Nostalgia

Tonight I went out for a lovely Korean dinner with Micchus and some friends. It was a great time, awesome food and even better company. I haven't laughed so much this week, thanks for always providing a good time, JHau.

As dinner drew to an end, I looked towards the entrance to gauge just how long the queue of the next wave of hungry diners would be. I spot someone who seemed to be staring in my direction, and thought "oh boy, they must really be killing for us to leave". After all, we were done and were doing nothing but chatting and sipping bori-cha. Then I realised that face looked kinda familiar. And my stomach flipped. Because it meant there was a high possibility that you were there.

And you were. Looking at me (or my table). Possibly contemplating murder. But soon enough you got your table, right next to mine. As you and XNgai take your seats, I sneak a closer look at you, as the place was poorly lit and it could very well be your dopelganger. Our eyes meet for a split second, and I am 1000% sure it is you. After obsessing over you for the last few years of my high school life, I am pretty damn sure I know its you when I see you. I quickly avert my eyes. I don't know how to respond or react? Do I go up and say hi? Do I pretend I never saw you? Should I wait for you to make the first move?

I pick the ignore option. It seems you chose that too. After so many years, its the same. Keep calm, ignore and carry on.

Rage girl

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---

It would appear that he's just an Asian version of Roger. Fark lah, why must it be so????

In other non one-sided stalkinglove news, I'm training to be a bookshop assistant. Yeah. Hope it goes well :D

"As if there were eternal cyclones and neverchanging typhoons..."

Well well well, I still have not received any job offers, only rejection letters :( I am seriously contemplating taking up part-time jobs to make some money so that I don't feel so guilty when spending my parents' hard earned money on food and other unnecessary necessities (like shoes! clothes! french dinners!).

But I digress.

Today's post title continues with "... my heart is swirling with winds of LOVE!".

Sou! It's that time of the year again! Yes yes yes every year it's the same, I always have a new obsession over a person or two lol. Its somewhat a tradition for me :D

I was volunteering at an event as an usher (more like it was an excuse to get dolled up, put heels on and have and a chance to wear my Gallo dress, something I doubt I'd have a chance to do much in Melbourne due to the lack of formal events that Uni used to have). While standing like a an akward plant in my designated position, un jeunne homme walks past with a camera in hand, excitingly clicking away at the night's events and decorations. Something about him catches my eye, and I cannot help but follow with my gaze, and I do not remember if my mouth was hanging open (oh God please let my mouth be closed >.<)

Was it because his face looks so familiar? Was it the glitter of his green bowtie? Or was it because he, cutting a dashing figure in his suit, looks so damn GOOD??? He doesn't have a chiselled jawline or fantastic bone structure, but that twinkle in his eyes (asian SEPET eyes omg haha can't believe I am being sucked in by them) and cheeky smile is sooooo appealing.

I would later find out that he was my junior in high school, and that his younger sister is one of Micchy's classmates/ good friends. I also managed to chat with him briefly and took some pictures for him. He has a really easygoing attitude, and even made me high-five him (with my artic fingers buahaha).

I only wish he wouldn't end up like the rest of my previous obsessions. I really want to get to know him!

It would be nice to be able to believe in destined encounters and romantic wishy washy ideals, but for now I am just content to look at pictures that I had Facestalked for the past 2 days. Le sigh.

Noah's Ark with him. Noda. Noda. Noda! :D *Ouran joke*

One door closes, another one opens?

Okay. I had an interview a couple of weeks ago which went really well (I think :P), so my hopes were all up up UP! Yes, I know the town is remote, prone to flooding and I'll be the sole dietitian in charge (omg the RESPONSIBILITIES!). But still a job is a job. Hit me with your best shot.

And so they did. As it turns out they aren't rushing to fill out the vacancy so I was told they'll rethink and recontact me in a few months. Oh goody gumdrops *sarcastic*. And to my surprise within an hour I recieved another phonecall to set up another interview for another location which I had whacked in an application at the very last minute.

I am excited/nervous. Yes, its a remote town (possibly further away from Melbourne than the previous town). Yes, its prone to flooding and shit weather. Yes I will probably have to live in another town 45 minutes away and drive through a national park everyday to get to work. But a job is still a job.

The interview is on Thursday. Hit me with your best shot. *determined*

Stuck in a rut

Ah. So grad has come and gone, and so have the parents (as usual, drama banyak-banyak involving my mother -- as expected *rolls eyes*). Back to the usual routine.

By usual routine I mean applying for jobs. Yup. STILL. After countless rejections I have to type and edit pages and pages of lies and bullshitmy CV and cover letter to fit each and every job I've applied for.... on average about 4 a day. Ohmigod I hate typing up these damn documents so much i swear at night I dream about the next new creative way to jazz up my CV and letters.

Not to add to the passive background stress of being evicted and rendered homeless in about 5 weeks. Yes my lovelies, the wonderful folk here at YMCA have decided to give me the proverbial boot and take away my guest key by mid-June. AAAAARGH where will I live??!?!??

I guess I could still crash at Micchy's but will have to plan my time to revolve around her timetable. =_=. So inconvenient though.

All this would be solved if I actually score a permanent full time job. Damn. Hey Mr Big Guy up there in le universe, could you throw me a little divine intervention here? Melbourne in winter is a truly sorry time to end up a homeless/jobless bum. I promise to work hard if you provide me a starting step!!!

*whoosh* I'm feeling deflated.

Yeah. Sometimes I randomly go "whoosh" when I go walkabout. It's the sound of me deflating.

Not farting. Deflating in a sense that right now I feel down and yucky and I need something to pick me up.

For those who wondered what happened since my last post, things have turned for the better. Whilst my time in Tamworth was truly harrowing and had driven me to the point of contemplating suicide (seriously bad times.. I've never cried so much on the phone with my sis and suddenly death seemed a much better alternative than being a disappointing parasite who can only bring shame to her family), I did manage to complete my placement by scraping through.

Sydney was much better. Micchus came down and stayed with me. And I was also brightened up by the kindness of my friends who let me live at their place eventhough they were away for a month. It takes alot of guts to hand someone your house keys and then leave them in charge for a month. Although this has happened before earlier this year with Max and Mei. Now I was super touched by their act of kindness, offering a stranger their housekeys as well.

And so after I completed my Sydney stint, I officially completed my course and now am a proper dietitian! Yay! Graduation will be next month. So why the whoosh-iness?

Because here I am, in my sister's apartment, growing mushrooms on my ass as I sit on a couch/chair daily watching TV/ searching and applying for jobs/ cross-stitching like a maniac/ picking my nose/ etc etc. I feel absolutely useless and unproductive!!! And as everyday goes by I feel like I am still a parasite clinging onto my parent's pockets without an excuse for not being a proper adult! For God's sake I'm nearly 23 years old, I fail in the aspect of relationships and stickyhot-ness, I fail in terms of study and academics and now that I at least cleared that hurdle, I fail at getting a proper job and income. Nearly quarter a century gone and what have I got to show? N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Quarter-life crisis sucks.