Nostalgia

Tonight I went out for a lovely Korean dinner with Micchus and some friends. It was a great time, awesome food and even better company. I haven't laughed so much this week, thanks for always providing a good time, JHau.

As dinner drew to an end, I looked towards the entrance to gauge just how long the queue of the next wave of hungry diners would be. I spot someone who seemed to be staring in my direction, and thought "oh boy, they must really be killing for us to leave". After all, we were done and were doing nothing but chatting and sipping bori-cha. Then I realised that face looked kinda familiar. And my stomach flipped. Because it meant there was a high possibility that you were there.

And you were. Looking at me (or my table). Possibly contemplating murder. But soon enough you got your table, right next to mine. As you and XNgai take your seats, I sneak a closer look at you, as the place was poorly lit and it could very well be your dopelganger. Our eyes meet for a split second, and I am 1000% sure it is you. After obsessing over you for the last few years of my high school life, I am pretty damn sure I know its you when I see you. I quickly avert my eyes. I don't know how to respond or react? Do I go up and say hi? Do I pretend I never saw you? Should I wait for you to make the first move?

I pick the ignore option. It seems you chose that too. After so many years, its the same. Keep calm, ignore and carry on.

Rage girl

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---

It would appear that he's just an Asian version of Roger. Fark lah, why must it be so????

In other non one-sided stalkinglove news, I'm training to be a bookshop assistant. Yeah. Hope it goes well :D

"As if there were eternal cyclones and neverchanging typhoons..."

Well well well, I still have not received any job offers, only rejection letters :( I am seriously contemplating taking up part-time jobs to make some money so that I don't feel so guilty when spending my parents' hard earned money on food and other unnecessary necessities (like shoes! clothes! french dinners!).

But I digress.

Today's post title continues with "... my heart is swirling with winds of LOVE!".

Sou! It's that time of the year again! Yes yes yes every year it's the same, I always have a new obsession over a person or two lol. Its somewhat a tradition for me :D

I was volunteering at an event as an usher (more like it was an excuse to get dolled up, put heels on and have and a chance to wear my Gallo dress, something I doubt I'd have a chance to do much in Melbourne due to the lack of formal events that Uni used to have). While standing like a an akward plant in my designated position, un jeunne homme walks past with a camera in hand, excitingly clicking away at the night's events and decorations. Something about him catches my eye, and I cannot help but follow with my gaze, and I do not remember if my mouth was hanging open (oh God please let my mouth be closed >.<)

Was it because his face looks so familiar? Was it the glitter of his green bowtie? Or was it because he, cutting a dashing figure in his suit, looks so damn GOOD??? He doesn't have a chiselled jawline or fantastic bone structure, but that twinkle in his eyes (asian SEPET eyes omg haha can't believe I am being sucked in by them) and cheeky smile is sooooo appealing.

I would later find out that he was my junior in high school, and that his younger sister is one of Micchy's classmates/ good friends. I also managed to chat with him briefly and took some pictures for him. He has a really easygoing attitude, and even made me high-five him (with my artic fingers buahaha).

I only wish he wouldn't end up like the rest of my previous obsessions. I really want to get to know him!

It would be nice to be able to believe in destined encounters and romantic wishy washy ideals, but for now I am just content to look at pictures that I had Facestalked for the past 2 days. Le sigh.

Noah's Ark with him. Noda. Noda. Noda! :D *Ouran joke*

One door closes, another one opens?

Okay. I had an interview a couple of weeks ago which went really well (I think :P), so my hopes were all up up UP! Yes, I know the town is remote, prone to flooding and I'll be the sole dietitian in charge (omg the RESPONSIBILITIES!). But still a job is a job. Hit me with your best shot.

And so they did. As it turns out they aren't rushing to fill out the vacancy so I was told they'll rethink and recontact me in a few months. Oh goody gumdrops *sarcastic*. And to my surprise within an hour I recieved another phonecall to set up another interview for another location which I had whacked in an application at the very last minute.

I am excited/nervous. Yes, its a remote town (possibly further away from Melbourne than the previous town). Yes, its prone to flooding and shit weather. Yes I will probably have to live in another town 45 minutes away and drive through a national park everyday to get to work. But a job is still a job.

The interview is on Thursday. Hit me with your best shot. *determined*

Stuck in a rut

Ah. So grad has come and gone, and so have the parents (as usual, drama banyak-banyak involving my mother -- as expected *rolls eyes*). Back to the usual routine.

By usual routine I mean applying for jobs. Yup. STILL. After countless rejections I have to type and edit pages and pages of lies and bullshitmy CV and cover letter to fit each and every job I've applied for.... on average about 4 a day. Ohmigod I hate typing up these damn documents so much i swear at night I dream about the next new creative way to jazz up my CV and letters.

Not to add to the passive background stress of being evicted and rendered homeless in about 5 weeks. Yes my lovelies, the wonderful folk here at YMCA have decided to give me the proverbial boot and take away my guest key by mid-June. AAAAARGH where will I live??!?!??

I guess I could still crash at Micchy's but will have to plan my time to revolve around her timetable. =_=. So inconvenient though.

All this would be solved if I actually score a permanent full time job. Damn. Hey Mr Big Guy up there in le universe, could you throw me a little divine intervention here? Melbourne in winter is a truly sorry time to end up a homeless/jobless bum. I promise to work hard if you provide me a starting step!!!

*whoosh* I'm feeling deflated.

Yeah. Sometimes I randomly go "whoosh" when I go walkabout. It's the sound of me deflating.

Not farting. Deflating in a sense that right now I feel down and yucky and I need something to pick me up.

For those who wondered what happened since my last post, things have turned for the better. Whilst my time in Tamworth was truly harrowing and had driven me to the point of contemplating suicide (seriously bad times.. I've never cried so much on the phone with my sis and suddenly death seemed a much better alternative than being a disappointing parasite who can only bring shame to her family), I did manage to complete my placement by scraping through.

Sydney was much better. Micchus came down and stayed with me. And I was also brightened up by the kindness of my friends who let me live at their place eventhough they were away for a month. It takes alot of guts to hand someone your house keys and then leave them in charge for a month. Although this has happened before earlier this year with Max and Mei. Now I was super touched by their act of kindness, offering a stranger their housekeys as well.

And so after I completed my Sydney stint, I officially completed my course and now am a proper dietitian! Yay! Graduation will be next month. So why the whoosh-iness?

Because here I am, in my sister's apartment, growing mushrooms on my ass as I sit on a couch/chair daily watching TV/ searching and applying for jobs/ cross-stitching like a maniac/ picking my nose/ etc etc. I feel absolutely useless and unproductive!!! And as everyday goes by I feel like I am still a parasite clinging onto my parent's pockets without an excuse for not being a proper adult! For God's sake I'm nearly 23 years old, I fail in the aspect of relationships and stickyhot-ness, I fail in terms of study and academics and now that I at least cleared that hurdle, I fail at getting a proper job and income. Nearly quarter a century gone and what have I got to show? N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Quarter-life crisis sucks.

I'm fucked. In a bad way. Sigh.

I'm not doing as well as I should be on placements.

I don't know why. Ok, so maybe I AM a little distracted (damn me and my obsessive-compulsive love!). But I don't think it would affect me this much. Also my self-confidence have taken two very hard blows when I see how advanced Tee and Kay are. I know I should be at that level but my lazyness/stupidity is stopping me. Either that, or I actually do know my stuff but I have some problems verbally communicating them. My grasp of English has deteriorated so badly that sometimes I find it hard to even think of the simplest words when explaining things to my supervisor.

And my brain has the speed of a fucking sloth. Good god, to my supervisors I must be like Osaka from Azumanga Daioh. Always in a daze, slow and dreamy. WTF this is not how I want to potray myself. WHY AM I LIKE THAT?!!?!?!?!?!!??!!

Oh and I was sick as shit last week too. Which made me lose out 1 week to prove myself to my supervisors. I had a chest infection. And apparently a UTI (but I doubt it was coz I didn't feel any painful symptoms apart from the fact i was pissing BLOOD), but it was most likely one or both of my kidneys deciding to got batshit on me. So two infections, massive migraines and high fevers, coupled with throwing up. With only Panadol to soothe my pains. I wasn't a happy chappy for a few days.

So now I have 3 weeks to get my game on. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. The good thing is I have given up playing Quarantine and FB games. The bad thing is I have taken cyberstalking-obsessing over a certain hot dude. THIS MUST STOP NAO!!

3 weeks. 3 FUCKING WEEKS. I should probably pray a little more and hope for some divine intervention. I feel my life is a fucking mess (just like my room!) and I need to get things together. Big Boss of the Universe, a little help please? I need a boost from the pits here :(